


Camping

by IronDadAndHisSpiderson



Series: A Love Like Ours [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Bisexual Lancelot (Merlin), Bisexual Merlin (Merlin), Camping, Coming Out, Concerned Merlin, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Gay Elyan (Merlin), Gay Gwaine, Gay Leon (Merlin), Gay Merlin (Merlin), Gay Percival (Merlin), Gwaine Comes Out, Gwaine Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Hugs, Lancelot is a good friend, Leon (Merlin) is a good friend, Merlin comes out, POV Gwaine (Merlin)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:40:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29493705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IronDadAndHisSpiderson/pseuds/IronDadAndHisSpiderson
Summary: During a camping trip with the Knights and Merlin, Gwaine finally admits something that has been bothering him for a while. The ensuing conversation allows more than just him to open up.
Relationships: Gwaine & Lancelot (Merlin), Gwaine & Leon (Merlin), Gwaine & Merlin (Merlin), Knights of the Round Table & Merlin (Merlin), Lancelot & Merlin (Merlin)
Series: A Love Like Ours [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2166357
Comments: 3
Kudos: 39





	Camping

It was still early evening when the knights and Merlin stopped to set up camp for the night. Without Arthur there to push them to their limits, they all felt comfortable stopping their travel a little earlier than usual when Merlin pointed out a grove of trees that would make the perfect camping spot.

They all tied up their horses and began helping unpack and set up camp. Technically, that was Merlin's job, but none of them felt that it was right to leave all the work to a servant who was also their friend. The knights all chatted as they unpacked, but Gwaine wasn't feeling like participating in their good-natured banter tonight. He gave Lancelot a forced smile when the other man looked at him with concern, but as soon as he wasn't paying attention, Gwaine let the forced expression fall from his face.

"Can someone get water?" Merlin asked the group, holding up the pot he would use to cook their dinner. Gwaine jumped at the chance to step away from the group and gather his thoughts.

"I've got it," Gwaine said, taking the pot from Merlin, who eyed him with concern.

"Take Lancelot with you," Merlin insisted, "You two can look for some more herbs while you're at the river." Gwaine's lips twitched in a genuine smile as he realized Merlin was using herbs as an excuse to make sure someone was watching over Gwaine. Of course Merlin had picked up on his change in mood as they rode.

Gwaine and Lancelot headed out of camp to the river, where Gwaine knelt to fill the pot with clear, cold water. Lancelot settled himself in the grass next to Gwaine and stared out across the landscape.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Lancelot said quietly, gesturing out across the land, not looking at Gwaine. 

"Yeah," Gwaine agreed quietly, wishing Lancelot would just skip the small talk and ask him what was wrong, since that was what he was here to do.

"If you ever need to talk, I'm here," Lancelot said instead, "And Merlin would do just about anything for you. You're a good friend, and it's hard to see you struggling." Lancelot was looking at him now, those deep brown eyes seeming to see into Gwaine's very soul. "Don't suffer alone, okay Gwaine?" Lancelot said quietly, "You're not alone anymore." Gwaine felt his throat tighten with oncoming tears as he nodded. Lancelot seemed to know that he wasn't going to say anything, as he simply stood up and offered a hand to Gwaine to pull him to his feet. Gwaine hesitated, then accepted Lancelot's hand and let the other man pull him to his feet. Lancelot picked up the pot of water, and they headed back to the others. 

Merlin gave them a concerned look as they re-entered camp. Lancelot took the pot over to him and they whispered quietly for a moment, Merlin still looking at Gwaine with concern. Gwaine pretended not to notice that they were talking about him and set to work unrolling his bedroll instead.

Elyan, Percival, and Leon were sitting on the opposite side of the fire from Merlin, talking quietly as Merlin set the pot over the flames to heat up. Gwaine felt the familiar twist in his gut as he looked at his friends and quickly slipped under his blanket and turned on his side so that he was facing away from them.

_Why couldn’t I just be normal?_ Gwaine thought, the urge to cry becoming more intense, _Why did I have to go and fall in love with them?_ Instinctively, Gwaine curled himself into a ball, the action giving the illusion of being able to protect him from the emotions threatening to destroy his world. He tuned out the quiet chatter of the others and allowed a few silent tears to fall. Once he had started, Gwaine found that he couldn’t rein the tears back in, and he felt himself shake with the silent sobs.

“Can I give you a hug, Gwaine?” Leon’s voice behind him startled Gwaine, who quickly tried to rub away the tears. However, now that he had let his control go, Gwaine couldn’t seem to stop the emotions flowing out of him. Leon’s hand gently touched his shoulder, and Gwaine let out a loud sob. “Oh, Gwaine,” Leon said sympathetically, “Come here.” Leon lay down behind him and gently pulled at his shoulder until Gwaine rolled over to face him. “Shh, it’s okay, you’re safe, I’ve got you,” Leon whispered as he wrapped Gwaine up in a tight hug that pressed Gwaine’s face into the other’s chest. Gwaine briefly thought he should probably pull away and pull himself together but, as if reading his mind, Leon’s arms tightened around him. “Just let me take care of you, Gwaine,” Leon whispered, “Let it all out. You’re safe here with us. I’ve got you.” Leon’s hand carded through his hair, gently scratching at his scalp, while his other hand rubbed comforting circles on Gwaine’s lower back. He continued to whisper reassurances until Gwaine’s sobs petered out. 

“Here, try and eat something,” Merlin said quietly, “It’ll help.” Leon helped Gwaine sit up and Gwaine took the bowl from Merlin with shaking hands, not able to meet anyone’s gaze.

“Thanks,” Gwaine whispered. Leon took his own bowl of soup from Merlin, but stayed sitting next to Gwaine, close enough that his leg was pressed against Gwaine’s. Gwaine was silently grateful for the contact. 

They all ate in silence, and Gwaine refused to look up, knowing he was the cause of the concerned silence. Finally, when he was about halfway through his bowl of soup, Lancelot spoke up.

“I just wanted to tell you guys that you’re really special to me,” Lancelot said softly, looking around the circle at everyone, “You all mean a lot to me, and it’s an honor to work alongside you. Merlin, that includes you.”

“Thanks, Lance,” Merlin said quietly, with a smile, “You know I feel the same about you all.” Gwaine felt a twinge of hope in his gut as Lancelot made his admission, but quickly tried to crush it. _We’re special to him because we are a team,_ Gwaine told himself, _nothing more. He didn’t mean it the same way you feel._ Suddenly, his emotions crept up on him again, and Gwaine couldn’t stop the tears from pouring down his cheeks again. Quickly, Gwaine set his bowl down and turned to lie down on his bedroll again, trying to hide the fact that his tears had restarted from the others. 

“Gwaine…” Leon said quietly, sounding broken. Gwaine felt the other man lie back down behind him, pulling him to his chest again and carding a hand through his hair, “Talk to us, please. We want to help.” Gwaine let out an involuntary whine, quickly cutting himself off as his cheeks burned.

“Can’t,” he managed to whisper through his sobs.

“Why not?” Leon asked softly. Gwaine just shook his head, then closed his eyes and curled into himself again.

“Hey, now. None of that,” Merlin said, close now. The raven-haired warlock lay down in front of Gwaine, pushing at his legs to force Gwaine to uncurl. Merlin slid into the space, pressing close to Gwaine’s front to stop him from re-curling in on himself. “You can talk to us, Gwaine,” Merlin said quietly, “We won’t judge you, I promise. It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to be struggling. Please let us help.” Merlin gently brushed a strand of hair from Gwaine’s face, and Gwaine leaned automatically into the touch.

“You’ll hate me,” Gwaine whispered, “You’ll tell Arthur, and I’ll have to leave. Or worse.” Merlin raised one eyebrow.

“If I do that, you have full permission to tell Arthur my secret,” Merlin replied, “I would never share something that would get you hurt. I promise.”

“Gwaine,” Leon said quietly, apparently deciding to ignore what Merlin had said for the moment and focusing on Gwaine instead, scratching gently at his scalp with dull fingernails, “You’re our friend. We won’t turn on you.”

“You can’t promise that,” Gwaine murmured, “You don’t know what I’m g’na say.”

“There’s nothing you could say that would turn me against you, Gwaine,” Lancelot said, “You’re a good man.” The others all made noises of affirmation.

"I'm tired of hiding," Gwaine said, looking into Merlin's dark eyes that held too much understanding of what he was feeling, "I want to be me."

"Then let us help you," Merlin said quietly, "We won't turn on you if you tell us. It helps to share the secret. It can't crush you if you're not carrying it alone." Gwaine wrapped himself around Merlin, burying his face in the Warlock's chest without pulling too far away from Leon at his back. Gwaine took a deep breath, Merlin's scent calming him slightly. He gripped Merlin harder, then forced himself to blurt it out.

"I'm in love," Gwaine blurted, "But with a group of people. A group of men." 

"Oh, Gwaine..." Elyan said softly, "We'd never hate you for being gay. You don't choose who you fall in love with. It's okay." Gwaine raised his head and met Elyan's eyes, expecting anything other than the sincerity that stared back at him.

"That's a hard secret to keep," Merlin said quietly, "I'm lucky that Gaius was so understanding." Gwaine looked at him, confused about whether Merlin was trying to say what he thought he was.

"You're..." Gwaine started, still trying to comprehend Merlin's words.

"Bi," Merlin said quietly, "I like men and women. But... lately it's just been a couple men." Merlin blushed bright red at the admission.

"Wait, I'm getting the feeling that none of you know," Leon said with a frown, "And I had always thought you just never brought it up with me." They all gave him curious looks. "I'm also gay, I thought it was kinda obvious."

"Is that why you always try to get bodyguard duty when there are dances?" Lancelot asked, "I thought you were just trying to be Arthur's favorite by working extra hard!" Leon nodded.

"If you're a bodyguard for the king you have a good reason to avoid dancing with women that you're really not interested in," Leon said. Lancelot nodded slowly.

"That makes so much more sense..." Lancelot said slowly.

"How did I never think of that?" Elyan exclaimed, "That's genius! I'm doing it next time!" Leon was grinning now.

"Are you...?" Leon asked Elyan. Elyan nodded.

"I like men," Elyan replied. He let out a sigh. "I've never said that out loud before," Elyan admitted, "It feels good to let it out."

"Merlin," Lancelot said, "What did you say the word was for liking men and women?"

"Uh, bisexual," Merlin said, "or bi for short."

"I'm that," Lancelot said, "I've fallen for men as well as women before." He caught Percival's eye - the only one who hadn't spoken yet. "Percy, if you say you're straight I think it'll make you the odd one out," Lancelot said with a grin.

"I... I've kind of tried to avoid dealing with it, but I..." Percival paused, visibly steeling himself to finish his sentence, "I'm gay." He finished in a strained whisper. Elyan gave Percival a tight hug.

"Thank you for telling us," Elyan said quietly, "I can see that it was really hard." Percival leaned gratefully into the smaller man's embrace. There was silence for a few minutes as everyone processed what had been said.

"I think sleep would be helpful for everyone right now," Leon said finally, "I'll take first watch. We can talk about this more tomorrow if anyone wants to, but for now let's rest." The others nodded in agreement. Gwaine pressed back into Leon's chest.

"C'n you stay close?" Gwaine whispered timidly, "Please?" Leon reached down and brushed a stray hair out of Gwaine's face.

"Of course," Leon replied, "I'll stay right here. You should rest now." Leon settled into a seated position, ensuring that his sword was close at hand. The others slowly settled in to sleep. Gwaine tossed and turned for a while before timidly putting his head in Leon's lap.

"It's okay, Gwaine, I've got you," Leon whispered, gently running his hands through the other man's hair.

"Keep doing that?" Gwaine asked timidly, "I like it." Leon smiled.

"Of course," Leon said quietly. With a sigh, Gwaine closed his eyes and focused on the gentle tug of Leon's fingers through his hair until he drifted off to sleep.


End file.
